


Relinquishing Hope

by soprano193



Category: Castle
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:10:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4797302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soprano193/pseuds/soprano193
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt from castlefanficprompts, Castle and Beckett raising their daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Day one** , Kate heard their little one cry for the first time.  And as Castle cut the cord, she watched in awe as the nurse checked vitals and cleaned her off.  Next thing she knew, the baby was dropped into her outstretched arms, her face red as she screamed, a mop of brown curls and eyes that wouldn’t reveal themselves.  Kate tried to give her to Maria, but the young girl refused, turning her head away from them, averting her eyes from the crying infant and ignoring her motherly urges.  “She’s yours.  You two should bond with her.”  

Kate tried a few more times, recognizing the look on the teen’s face, but the girl refused, not even looking at the baby she had just given birth to.  Kate didn’t think any more of it when her husband wrapped them in his strong arms and cooed at their daughter, his voice soothing her cries.  And at that moment, even though she never felt like anything had been missing, she felt like their family was complete.  

Maria had picked out her first name, Hope, which was all she thought that she could give to the baby she was leaving in the Castle’s care.  They had picked out her middle name, Marie, so she would always remember her birth mother, and the tremendous courage it took to give her up.  

 **Day three** , Maria signed the adoption papers outside of the hospital, her family whisking her away on a vacation to Florida so that she could recuperate.  They wanted her to sign in court, but Maria wanted to get it over with before she left, afraid of dragging the process out.  “She’s in good hands with you.  I won’t forget that, I promise.”  And while she went off with her family to try and forget her selfless act, Kate and Castle brought home their newest addition.  

There, Hope met her entire extended family.  When Alexis held her for the first time, the young woman’s face lit up, her blue eyes shining as she rocked back and forth.  

“Don’t go getting any ideas.”  Castle warned her, eliciting chuckles from the room.  

Alexis scoffed, shaking her head and rubbing the infant’s hand.  “Dad, I’m way too busy this semester for that kind of relationship.”

“I don’t want to know!”  He tried not to shout, so he wouldn’t disturb the sleeping little one.  “I’m just saying, don’t get any ideas.”

 **Day four** was exhausting.  Kate hadn’t been up so many times in one night since she was a newborn, and she remembers wondering aloud somewhere around three in the morning why the phrase ‘slept like a baby’ meant sleeping through the night.  But she did what she was supposed to, and slept when Hope slept.  Sure, nothing got done that day, but it was a learning experience.  And she couldn’t wait to learn even more.  

 **Day ten** , Castle got excited because Hope was tracking his eyes.  “She’s watching me, Kate!  She likes me!”

“Did you really think she wouldn’t?”  She asked, ignoring the voice in the back of her head that worried that someday Hope would resent her.  

He looked away from their daughter then, his eyebrows furrowed as he studied her.  “You don’t worry about that?”  And she let out a breath as she realized that it didn’t matter that he had already done this, he was just as afraid.  

 **Day sixteen** , Hope was fussy.  There wasn’t a discernable reason, she just didn’t want to be put down.  She spent most of the day grizzling into Castle’s chest.  When Kate took her from his arms, relieving him and sending him off for a nap, she settled on the couch and flicked on Netflix, queueing up the newest season of Doctor Who.  It was while she sat there that she noticed it.  Her daughter had curled into her chest, and was looking up at her, dark eyes exploring her mother’s face.  “Hey, sweet pea!  Are you snuggling with me?”  Hope stopped her grizzling as she listened to Kate speak.  Kate brushed her thumb lightly along the infant’s hair, soothing the girl as she gently rocked back and forth.  “Well, I will snuggle with you whenever you want me too, okay?”  

Hope vocalized at her, not entirely a cry, but just something to add into the conversation between them, and closed her eyes, finally ready to take her nap.  And as Kate felt her Chest rise and fall against her own, she wondered how in the world she could ever love another child like she loved this one.  

 **On day twenty-four** , she watched her husband and daughter converse back and forth as she leaned in the doorway.  “Yeah, your Mommy is pretty great, huh?”

She cooed then, long and sure of herself as she found her voice, tapering out to an adorable squeal that had Kate picking the pieces of her heart up off the ground.  

“You think so?  I mean sure, she does that sometimes but you get used to it.”

“Used to what?”  She spoke up now from the door, stifling her giggle as he jumped at the sound of her voice.  

“Oh, you know, we were just discussing some things.”  He glanced at her sheepishly, one hand holding Hope steady.  “How long were you standing there?”

She shrugged, sauntering toward him and lowering her face so that Hope could see her.  “Long enough.”  Hope’s coo back at her was enough to have her heart melt all over again.  

 **On day thirty** , Hope smiled for the first time.  It was a real smile, not just gas as Castle had suggested.  Her eyes grew wider as she pulled the corners of her mouth upward, cooing and kicking her feet.  “No, she’s really smiling, come look!”  Kate called, lowering herself to the baby again.  Kate broke into her own brilliant smile, her chest expanding with pride as she watched their daughter learn about this milestone.  “Hey, sweet pea!  What are you doing, huh?”  Kate cooed, her arm extended in triumph as she watched the girl copy her, her movements clearly deliberate.  

“Don’t rub it in,” he teased, lowering himself to their level, “and let me try that.”  They went back and forth for what seemed like hours, making silly faces, and doing whatever they could to make her smile.  

 **On day thirty-seven** , Kate answered the door, Hope in her arms, to a distraught Maria and a man in a suit.  And before Maria had even opened her mouth, Kate knew what was happening.  

“I made a mistake, I'm sorry I want my baby back.”  

Kate’s heart stopped in it’s tracks as the teen said the words she had feared most.  She wordlessly waved the couple in, and went to the office where Castle was writing, trying hard to suppress her tears.  

In the living room, they talked with her attorney.  They consulted theirs.  And after a few hours of trying to come to some sort of agreement to no avail, they said goodbye to their baby girl as she left with her birth mother.  Kate didn’t know how she had done it, but she managed to wait until they were gone before she fell apart, a puddle in Castle’s arms as he stroked her hair.  His own tears wet her hair, and she could feel his chest heaving with each breath he took.  

Forty-five days.  That’s how long they had for her to reconsider.  If they had gone to the judge and signed the papers then, it would have been final right there.  Instead they got thirty-seven days of more love for one human being than Kate had ever experienced before.  

“Castle, I don’t know if I can do this again.”  She whispered to him after they had both cried all the tears that they had.  

He nodded, his hand reaching for hers and squeezing it reassuringly.  “I won’t do anything unless you are in, one hundred percent.”

She inhaled through her nose, leaning back on the couch.  “Same here.”  

They retired early that night.  But hidden between the sheets was a stuffed elephant, the one that usually hung out in her crib.  As Kate cuddled it close to her, she inhaled Hope’s smell, baby powder and lotion, and the tears came again.  She wouldn’t wake up tonight to a hungry crying baby.  They wouldn’t hear her talk with them on the changing table.  She would never have to worry about getting thrown up on, or weird stains on her clothing.  She could only hope that one day, the pain of losing her daughter would one day fade to a distant memory, just like the way that her smell will one day fade away from this stupid stuffed elephant.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**It was almost three hundred days** after before Kate started actively participating in life again.  Not that she had given up on it, but she had retreated into her head again, afraid to get excited about anything lest it be taken from her again.  She saw Dr. Burke weekly, and sometimes Castle even joined her.  "I mean, it's not like she died," Kate had explained during their session that day, "I shouldn't feel this bad."

"She's not," Castle agreed, never ceasing to let go of her hand, "thank whatever entity that you want to for that.  But we cared for her for a month.  We held her and cried with her, made her smile, talked with her, and loved her.  And then she was taken from us with no warning.  We still lost her, Kate.  It's okay to feel this way."

"Sometimes I wonder if it's worse knowing that she's alive, you know?  Just knowing that she's out there somewhere, probably running around in costumes and singing along to Disney movies makes me ache for her even more."

"I know."  His eyes locked with hers as he squeezed her hand tighter, reminding her with his actions that he wasn't going anywhere.  She didn't know what she would do without him at least semi-grounding her.  "Every time I see a little girl on the street around the same age, with perfect brown ringlets and big dark eyes, I want to scoop her up and never let her go.  The fact that she is out there somewhere just kills me, Kate.”  His face perked up, and he smiled at her, his goofy grin helping to pull her out of her own thoughts.  “But then I imagine her laughing, Kate.  I imagine Maria kissing her neck the same way you did.  I see her playing with Maria’s younger cousins, speaking a mixture of Spanish and English, and having a good life.  And sometimes that makes me feel better.”  

It was a good picture to imagine.  She just wished that the good life that Hope was having was with them.  

At home, Kate relaxed while Castle cooked.  Alexis was coming over for dinner that night with her boyfriend, Emmet, and their exciting news.  Kate was guessing that they were finally engaged.  Castle, being a father, didn’t want to believe that.  He was guessing that Emmet had received that residency position at Mt. Sinai.  “That’s not their exciting news, that’s Emmet’s exciting news.”  She argued from the living room while he danced around the kitchen.  

“They’re a serious couple.  Any news is their news.”  He offered weakly, refusing to meet her eye as he said it.  

“So, when I got promoted to captain, that was just as much your accomplishment as it was mine?”  

“No! Of course not!”  He looked at her now, leaning on the island to address her.  “This is my little girl we’re discussing.  Yes, I want her to be happy, but if she is engaged it’s just proof that she’s all grown up.”

“Castle, she’s twenty-four.  I think she’s pretty grown up.”  

He plugged his ears with his fingers, , moving back to his manicotti and turning his back to her.  She laughed at his childishness and returned to her book, her knees pulled up into her chest.  She allowed herself to be transported into a world of magic and corruption until a knock on the door pulled her out of it.  

Alexis let herself in, pulling Emmet in behind her, their fingers laced together.  Kate got up from the couch to greet them, craning her neck to see if Alexis was wearing any new jewelry on her finger.  Alexis embraced her father first, relinquishing Emmet’s hand to hug him properly.  Emmet in turn hugged Kate, his body stiff and the hug quick.  He flashed her a nervous smile and nodded once before shaking Castle’s hand.  He leaned against the island, watching Alexis instead of looking anyone else in the eye.  Castle went back to the Manicotti, ignoring Emmet’s nervous glance.  

Kate seated herself at the island, her eyes flashing between the young couple.  They were looking at each other, frantic looks in their eyes as they either nodded toward Castle or vehemently shook their head.  Kate had to hold her laughter in as she observed them, her hand placed over her mouth, remembering back to a time when she and Castle had communicated the same way.  

She was glad it wasn’t her to pull them out of their conversation, her husband waiting a few moments to prove that he had eyes in the back of his head.  “What’s going on with you two?  Are you going to tell us, or do we have to wait until dinner?”  

Alexis sighed, grasping Emmet’s hand with both of hers, looking into Kate’s eyes because her father’s back was facing her.  “I’m pregnant.”  She blurted, squeezing her eyes shut as she braced for the reaction.  

Kate heard the clatter of the spatula on the counter and saw her husband whirl around in the corner of her eye.  The next thing she knew, he had flown across the kitchen, his arms wrapped tightly around his daughter.  “Really?  I’m going to be a Grandpa?”  She could hear his voice break as he fought the tears, his body rocking the redhead back and forth.  Emmet watched them from his spot next to them, his smile radiant now that their secret was off their chests.  He wasn’t ready for Castle’s arm to reach out and add him to the embrace, his face squashed awkwardly between Castle and Alexis’ shoulders.  

When Castle released them and turned to Kate, his excitement was plastered across his face.  He grabbed her shoulders, planting a kiss on her lips.  “I’m going to be a Grandpa, Kate!”

“Well calm down, Grandpa and go make sure you didn’t burn dinner.”  She laughed, a playful smack to his rear making him move in that direction.  

“So, Dad wants to be called Grandpa.”  Alexis moved to the seat on the island next to Kate, who held out her arms to embrace the younger woman.  “So, what do you want the baby to call you, Kate”  

She pushed Alexis out of the embrace, holding onto her shoulders still as she looked into the young woman’s bright blue eyes.  “What do you mean?”

Emmet approached behind Alexis, his hand resting at her waist.  “I mean, you plan on sticking around, right?”  His brown eyes met hers as he spoke, and Alexis’ grin hadn’t left her face.  “So, what do you want your future grandchild to call you?”

Her heart was soaring, for the first time in years, and no matter how much her head kept telling her to put her walls back up, she just couldn’t do it.  She was going to have a grandchild soon that she had to live for.  She couldn’t afford to let life pass her by anymore.  It took her a moment to find her voice, but when she did she had no doubts what she wanted to be called.  “I had a Nona.  She was the best.”

 **Three hundred and thirty two days** after Hope was born, Kate stepped into ultrasound room three for the first time since they had last seen their daughter on a screen.  Maria’s daughter, not their daughter.  She had to correct herself in her head, the latest way that she had learned to take control back of her feelings.  Castle guided her in, his hand on the small of her back.  She hugged Emmet as the entered, while Castle leaned down to hug his daughter.  “Are you excited?”  He asked her as he pulled away.  

“Yeah.”

The door opened, a dark haired woman entered, a warm smile plastered on her face.  “Alexis, how are you doing today?”

The redhead grinned back, her hands resting on her expanding abdomen.  “I’m doing well, thanks!”  She reached for her boyfriend’s hand, clasping them together and letting them rest in the space next to her head.  “I’m a little nervous.  Is that normal?”

The tech, Susannah, nodded as she prepared the equipment.  "We see all different types of emotions in this room, you being nervous is normal."  She looked around at the other people in the room. Castle was standing behind Alexis' head, his fingers threading through his daughter's hair, and Kate's hand was resting in the small of Emmet's back as he held his girlfriend's hand.  "It looks like you brought the cavalry."

Alexis laughed as Susannah squirted the gel on her still small belly, her gaze shifting around the room.  "These are my parents, Rick and Kate.  Emmet's parents live out of state."  The younger woman was looking up at Kate, gushing her reaction to the statement, almost asking for permission.  Kate flashed a warm smile in her direction, her fingers reaching out to join her husband's in Alexis' hair.  

Susannah's gaze was directed at the screen as she made sure everything was going right.  "Well, it looks like you two have a wonderful support system."  As she stopped talking, they heard the steady thump of the heartbeat fill the room around them.  “Perfect.  Everything looks perfect, Alexis.”  She turned her head to face the couple.  “Did you want to find out the sex today?”

Alexis met Emmet’s eyes before turning back to the tech, her head bobbing up and down.  “Yes please.  Our friends are making bets.”

Castle snorted next to her, a smile stretched across his face.  “Sounds familiar.”  She felt herself smile, remembering cashing in when her boys swore up and down Hope would be a boy, one to run them ragged and drive them insane.  

“Yeah, well we played both sides.”  Emmet explained, squeezing Alexis’ hand as he spoke.  “Alexis jumped in the pool for a boy, I put my name down for girl.  Either way we get something from it.”  

Kate chuckled behind him, her hand leaving his back as she shuffled closer to her husband, seeking out his warmth.  “Smart.  Alexis is good though.  She and Lanie had Hope pinned as a girl.  Martha and my Dad agreed with the boys.”  She met Castle’s eyes, reassuring him that she was okay.  “I think we joined the girl pool just to spite Ryan and Espo.”  

“Well I guess that worked out in your favor.”  Alexis’ voice was soft, like she didn’t know what to say.  

Susannah looked around the room, her eyes falling on the two oldest people.  “Do you want to cast your bets while you still can?”

“Boy.”  They spoke simultaneously, like always, a soft smile on her face as she realized just how in sync they were.  His free hand wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.  

Susannah grinned, her face returning to the screen.  “Always listen to your parents, they tend to be right.  You’re having a little boy, Alexis.  Congratulations!”  

Alexis tugged on her boyfriend’s hand, pulling him down to her.  She spoke to him in whispers, their smiles wide as they shared their moment.  For Kate, it was bittersweet.  She was so happy for them, so happy to see them take this next leap in their life.  But it conjured images for her of the day they sat in this room, and found out about their own little peanut, their whispers to each other much like her step-daughter’s, except they stood behind the seat, his arms wrapped around her waist as they imagined their life with their daughter.  

“We’re going to have a little grandson, Kate.”  His whisper from behind her made her shiver, her body melting into his embrace.  “A grandson that we can take to see the Lion King, that we can play with at the park, that we can spoil rotten.  One that we can watch while Alexis is at class or when she starts taking on cases.  We can dress him up like Peter Pan, and you can be Tinkerbell, and I’ll be Captain Hook and we can have adventures.”  

She turned her head to face him, a smile on her lips.  “I want to be Hook.”  

“Deal.”  His eyebrows raised with mirth as she turned around to face him.  “I look better in fairy wings anyway.”  She laughed then, the sound bursting from her chest, disrupting the ambiance of the room.  She hoped that her lips pressed to his would be enough to let him know that she couldn’t wait.  

 **Three hundred and fifty five days** after, Kate took Alexis shopping for maternity clothes.  She had gotten by with baggy shirts and yoga pants, but with her internship, she had to dress professionally.  “It seems dumb to shop for clothes that I’m not going to wear again.  At least not unless we decide to have a second one.  Which won’t happen for years, and I won’t fit into any of this anymore.”

“So just buy staples.”  Kate pulled down a pair of pants and handed them to the redhead.  “A few pants, a couple skirts, and some blouses that you can throw a cardigan or nice jacket over.”  Alexis pulled a loud patterned blouse off the rack and held it up to herself, laughing as she showed it off.  Kate ran her fingers over a navy blue dress.  “Maybe a dress or two to hang out with your friends.  But as soon as you get home you can change back into your yoga pants and t-shirts.  It’s one of the luxuries of being at home.”

“I do love being comfy at home!”  She enthused, closing the dressing room door.  Kate leaned against the partition, listening to the redhead hum to herself.  “So, are you and Dad going to try again?  WIth the whole adoption thing?”

“We haven’t talked about it.”  She had almost broached the topic after the ultrasound, but when she caught him staring at an old picture of her and Hope, she dropped the idea.  “I think we both ignore the subject so that we don’t hurt the other.”  

“Well, one of you has to cave.”  Kate could see her know-it-all look through the door, one eyebrow cocked as she chastised the older woman.  “Think of everything you’ll be missing!  It’s clear you both want to expand the family, and I was always open to the idea of siblings.”  

“Well I think all the cool things that he wanted to do with your siblings he now wants to do with your son.”  Kate laughed, pushing her hair behind her ear.  “Have you two picked a name yet?”  

“Don’t even get me started on that!”  Alexis opened the door, modeling an outfit that Kate vetoed, telling her to stick with the skirt and thrusting another blouse in the door.  “I mean, we keep bouncing them around, and they’ll stick for a day, and then we hate them.  I never thought that naming a human being could be so hard.”  

“Tell me about it.  We only had to pick Hope’s middle name, and that was tough enough.”  It was the pesky ‘a’ at the end that ruined it for them.  Castle thought her identity should be different than her birth mother’s, but Kate thought that it was best to honor her by making sure that she was always with Hope, even if it was just in spirit.  “I like to think that if we had to pick both names it would have been easier to compromise.  But then again, both your father and I are stubborn.  I might not give up on a name I don’t really like just because the one he comes up with is better.”  

“And then he starts to gloat and you hate the name just out of spite, trust me, we’ve been there.”  The redhead’s laughter from the other side made Kate relax.  “Kate, he’s kicking like crazy today.  Look!”  The door opened to another outfit, this one much better than the last.  But Alexis wasn’t looking for an opinion this time.  This time she was dragging Kate’s hand to the swell of her abdomen, so she could feel the movement of the baby inside.  He pushed against her hand, making Kate smile, her eyes meeting the redhead’s.  

Kate pulled her hand away after a few moments, afraid to invade the woman’s personal space.  “That’s amazing.”  Alexis grinned and shut the door again, returning to her task at hand.  Kate leaned against the wall, her phone out.  “I have to text your father.  He’ll be so jealous that I felt the baby move first.”  

Alexis’ laugh on the other side of the door had her chuckling along, her thumbs moving fast over her keyboard.  “Children.  Actual children.”  

 **On day three hundred and eighty eight** , Emmet’s parents came from Michigan to visit, inviting everyone out to dinner.  Castle was overly energetic, checking his watch every few minutes to make sure they weren’t running late.  “You know, I’m sure they’ll wait for us.”  Kate called from the bathroom as she brushed blush onto her cheekbones.  

“I know, I’m just…”  He stopped, leaning against the doorframe as he watched her get ready.  “I’m nervous.”  He finished, his face sheepish.

“Nervous about what?  That they won’t like us?”  She pulled out the mascara, pulling one of her eyes tight.  “Guess what, babe?  It doesn’t matter.  Emmet is crazy about your daughter, and she is crazy about him.  Nothing we do could ever change that.”  

“You really think she’s crazy about him?”

“Castle,” she scoffed, turning to meet his eye, “can’t you see it?  The way they look at each other?”

“Yeah.  They kind of do that thing we do.”

“Exactly.”  She finished her makeup and pinned her hair out of her face, the curls bouncing on her shoulder.  She turned to him.  “Ready to go?”

Alexis was already there, dressed in the dress Kate had picked out, deep in conversation with Emmet’s mother.  Emmet greeted them, shaking Rick’s hand and giving Kate a warm hug.  “Rick, Kate, these are my parents, Jane and Don.”  Everyone shook hands, a chorus of greetings and polite smiles as they sat, Kate next to Alexis and Castle on the other side of the table next to Jane.  

“We were just talking about Alexis’ work at school, and how you helped her study, Kate.”  Jane started, her green eyes studying the brunette.  

“Yeah, I used to be in law school.  So I think I only helped with the early stuff, the rest she did on her own.”  Kate offered Alexis a smile, not allowing her to downplay her own accomplishments.  “I just wonder how these two cope with the stress of law school, medical school, and maintaining their relationship.  They do an amazing job, and I’m in awe of what I hear every time they come to visit.”  

“Well,”  Emmet started, his hand finding Alexis’, “I find it helpful to come home and just start venting.  We both do it, vent about all our stresses, and we have this rule that we can’t judge one another for what is said when we vent like that.”  

Alexis grinned, her eyes locked on his.  “Yeah, and we say and do some pretty crazy things.  But it kind of helps clear our heads so we can start tackling the problems.  Plus, if we know what the other one is dealing with, it’s easier to understand why he might be a little snappy or I might be a little nit-picky.”

“Makes sense.”  Castle agreed, his head resting in his hand.  

Dinner progressed normally, telling stories, giving advice, talking about their families.  Alexis and Emmet had that whole telepathic speech thing down again, jerking their heads and laughter coming from their corner of the booth.  But it was Emmet who perked up, making eye contact with Castle across the table.  “We picked a name.  Owen.  Owen Foster McGregor.”  

“It’s beautiful, Alexis.”  Kate told her, her hand squeezing the redhead’s shoulder.  

“It is,” Don laughed, leaning forward, “Now you just have one more name you have to change.”  

Emmet bit his lip, his hand dropping to his pocket.  “About that.”  Kate met Rick’s eyes across from her.  She just realized why he was so worried about being late.  Emmet pulled himself off the booth, down on one knee as he stared up at her.  “Alexis, I didn’t think my life was missing anything until I met you.  I realized that you were what I needed, to keep me sane, to keep me happy.  You have made me the happiest guy on this earth, and I can’t wait to see you with Owen.  I only hope that I do the same for you, and make your life better just by being a part of it.  Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”  

He opened the case, but she was nodding yes and hugging him before she could actually see it.  When she turned back to the table, her eyes were red.  Emmet pushed the ring onto her finger as she wiped her eyes, the biggest grin on her face.  “Stupid hormones.”  The table erupted with laughter at that, before congratulating the happy couple.  

 **On day four hundred and thirty one** , they had a baby shower up at the Hamptons.  Many of Alexis’ friends from high school and law school came, as well as Lanie and Tory.  They played all of the typical games, like guessing who Owen would look more like, figuring out how big around she was with toilet paper, and scratch tickets with prizes.  

It was after the shower was done, when Kate was sitting out by the ocean, that Alexis joined her, playing with the sand at her feet.  “Thank you, for planning everything and making sure it went off without a hitch.”  

“Of course.  I mean, you did the same for me.”  

Alexis chuckled.  “Yeah, except I was getting a sibling out of the deal.  You don’t have those ties to me.  You could be indifferent about this whole thing.”  

“Alexis, I love you, okay.  I don’t love you just because your Dad does, or because it’s an obligation.  I love you because you are an amazing young woman who could have hated me for the way I treated your dad.”  Their relationship was hard to define.  She never wanted to be called ‘Mom’.  No, Alexis had a Mom.  But it was different than a friendly relationship.  She respected and loved the younger woman, and wished she’d had that time to get to know her when she was younger.  

“I could never hate you, Kate.  I mean, yes, I got angry sometimes, and yes, that whole separation I was upset with you.  But I saw how much it hurt you both, and I knew that, just like always, you would find your way back to each other.”  She gazed out at the ocean.  “My Mom wouldn’t have done this though.  I’ll be amazed if she even shows up to see him when he’s born.”  Her hand rubbed him over her stomach, protecting him already.  “So thank you, for doing what my mother wouldn’t, something you had no obligation to do.”  

Kate reached out for the younger woman’s hand, squeezing it tight as she spoke.  “It was no problem.  Anytime, Alexis, anytime.”  

 **On day four hundred and sixty four** , they got a call in the morning that their grandson had arrived.  They rushed to the hospital, Castle still in his pajamas, Kate in her NYPD sweatpants and a Yankees shirt.  Alexis was asleep in the room, her hair disheveled and her mouth hanging open.  Emmet followed them out of the room, the smile on his face permanent.  “He’s beautiful, so beautiful.”  

Kate hugged him tight, patting his back.  “Congratulations, Dad.  How does it feel?”

“I don’t know if it’s completely hit me yet?  It comes in waves.  I mean, I’m excited now, but every once in awhile it hits me again and I just get ecstatic!”  He led them down to corridor to the nursery.  He held out his hand.  “They only give out two nursery bracelets.  Let me go get him.  I’ll be right back.”  

He disappeared through the doors and reappeared a few minutes later, a tiny infant with a shock of red hair in his arms.  “Red hair, like Alexis!”  Kate whispered, trying not to disturb the sleeping wonder.  

“I mean, my grandparents had red hair, and some of my siblings.  It doesn’t surprise me that much.”  He handed the baby to Castle, who cradled his grandson close.  “Right now he’s asleep, but when his eyes are open they’re really dark, like mine.”  

“He’s got your nose, too.”  Kate told him, her hand reaching out to stroke the boy’s hand.  

Castle rocked him for a while, whispering to the boy and playing with his feather-like hair.  He met Kate’s eyes.  “Does Nona want to hold Owen?”  

“Is that really a question?”  He deposited the newborn in her arms.  Her heart swelled at the sight of him, and she leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead.  “Let me tell you, Owen, you and I are going to have a lot of fun together.”  

Four hundred and ninety days after giving Hope back, they were watching Owen for the night so that Alexis and Emmet could have a night to themselves.  He was smiling and cooing at them now, kicking his feet when Castle talked to him.  He liked dancing around the loft with his Nona to old music, reading stories with Grandpa, and he really liked when they sang to him.  

Castle went to get the mail while Kate put him down for his nap.  The grave look on her husband’s face was not what she was expecting to see when he got back.  He held out an unopened envelope, heavier than she expected it to be.  The return address wasn’t listed, just a name.  Maria Sanchez.  “Why would she be contacting us?”  He asked, dropping the rest of the papers on the island.  

She shrugged, holding it in her hands.  “I don’t know, Castle.  It could be anything.”  

He watched her for a while before walking away, his hands over his head.  “I don’t want anything to do with her.  Do what you want with the letter.”  

Kate took it and sat on the couch, the sound of her husband typing away catching her attention.  He was angry, slamming on the keys, and she didn’t blame him.  She turned the envelope over in her hands a few times before sliding her thumb under the adhesive, opening it.  about twenty pictures fell out along with a folded letter.  She looked at the pictures first.  Hope’s hair had grown a lot, and she had a tooth.  She showed it off in all of her photos, the gummy grin almost too much to handle.  She was happy, all they ever wanted for her.  Kate opened the letter next, purple ink on lined paper.  

_Dear Castles,_

_I’m sorry.  What I did was awful.  It made me feel better, made me feel right.  I didn’t think about how you must feel, that the same feeling I had for thirty-seven days is what you must be feeling every day afterward.  My parents and Aunts all told me that they’d help out, and I realized that I had way more support than I originally thought.  And the attorney they hired for me told me that I still had time.  I acted without thinking, and I’m sorry._

_I will tell you that I talk about you all the time to her.  She won’t grow up without knowing that you took care of her for me when I couldn’t.  I actually have a picture of you two holding her in the hospital hanging up in her room.  I couldn’t have done it if I didn’t have the time to figure myself out, and we will forever be grateful to you for giving us that time._

_Hope loves Pocahontas.  Every time that movie is on, she stares at the screen like it’s the most riveting thing ever.  And she loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  She even does this adorable little dance at the end of it where she bobs up and down!  And I read Goodnight Moon to her every night._

_It was almost two years ago that I first reached out to you for help.  I’ve been thinking about how I can thank you for everything you’ve done for us.  I hope the pictures brought a smile to your face, and I hope this helps to clear up any resentments.  I’d like to continue sending you pictures each year, and there should be an index card somewhere in the mess with my address.  If you don’t want them, if they’re too painful, I understand.  Just let me know.  Thank you so much again for being her parents when I couldn’t, and for being supportive when I took her back.  My lawyer had me geared up for a fight, but I breathed a sigh of relief when that didn’t happen.  I hope this finds you in good spirits._

_-Maria_

Fighting was never an option for them.  They could have, but they didn’t want to start their family like that.  They didn’t want to turn Maria off from asking for help when she needed it either.  They didn’t want to be unfair, even though they felt like the whole situation was unfair.  But Maria wanted to open up a small line of communication, one that would give them at least a little access to their daughter.  It was exciting.  Not what she envisioned, but exciting.  

She brought the pictures into Castle, laying them out on his desk.  He tried to ignore them, breathing deep through his nose to control his feelings, but looked down when she finished, standing next to him.  His hand ghosted over her face, and she could hear him sniffle.  “She’s beautiful, Kate.  And Happy.”  

“Yeah.”  She wrapped her arms around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder.  Alexis’ voice echoed in the back of her head.  One of you has to cave.  And she knew it was now or never.  She took a breath.  “I want to try again.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be a three shot, but I’ve written almost 5000 words for this last chapter and I’m STILL not done! So, I’ll split what I already have written and try to get the rest out to you all soon... Enjoy!

“Try again? In what capacity?”  His hands had frozen over the pictures of Hope, her face giving Kate the strength to push forward.  “Do you want to try and adopt again?  Look at IVF?”  He turned to her, watching her reactions.  “Kate, I’ll do whatever you want to do, but I need to know how you want to try again.”  

She unwrapped her arms from around his neck, and made her way over to one of the armchairs, sinking down into it, her legs hanging over the arm.  “This sucks.  Why can’t we just be normal?”  In reality, they were normal.  Their doctor had assured them that about twenty percent of infertility cases were unexplainable.  Somehow that number did nothing to make her feel any better.

His chuckle warmed her from the inside out.  “We were never normal, Kate.  What gave you that impression?”

She rolled her eyes at him, her hands running through her hair, pushing it out of her face.  “You know what I mean.  Why can’t we be like other couples, you know?  Why can’t we have sex, make a perfect human being that has your eyes, my nose, your imagination, my…”

“Perfect eye rolls?”  He interrupted, prompting a chuckle from her.  

“Yes, that’s what I want my child to inherit.”  He raised his eyebrows at her sarcasm, amused but silent so she could continue.  “Part of me blames myself.  Because if I had gotten out of my own head earlier and admitted my feelings, we would have had more time to plan for this.”  She played with her hands over her abdomen, the emptiness heavy within her.  “If I had kissed you in that bank like I wanted to, or called you after my shooting, or joined you at the Hamptons, who knows what position we’d be in now.”  

“Or we would have crashed and burned for forcing ourselves together before we were ready and these problems wouldn’t exist.”  He leaned forward, resting his head in his hands.  “Doubting yourself and prior actions won’t solve anything now.  We don’t know how that situation would have played out.  All we can do is figure out what we want now, and support each other through it.”  

“I know.  You’re right.”  Her brain was moving quickly while she mulled over the options, a thousand different thoughts shouting at her all at once.  He sat silent, letting her guide the conversation.  “I don’t think I want to try IVF.  Two years ago we thought that the odds were bad, and each year since the odds have dropped significantly.  That, and each time we try our hopes are just going to go up even if we tell ourselves not to expect anything, and I don’t want to crash down from that, I don’t want to disappoint myself.”  

“You know, nothing you do could ever disappoint me.”  There he was again, voicing the fears that she hadn’t said, proving once more that he knew her inside and out.  

Her smile was soft on her lips.  “I know.”

“Do you really, though?”

“I get it.”  She crossed her arms across her chest.  “But a small part of me would feel worse for letting you down, and I don’t think I could make myself stop thinking that.”  

He let her confession sit between them, the heaviness in the room settling.  “Fair enough.  No IVF then.  Pros and cons about adoption?”

She sighed.  “Mom changes her mind again.”  She knew it was the first thing on his mind too, his eyes meeting hers across the room.  “I can’t go through that again, Castle.”  

“So we don’t.  If she signs in front of a judge, it goes into effect that day.  She can’t back out.”  

"Can we make that a stipulation of the agreement though, legally?"  His solution seemed so simple.  If only it had worked out for them the first time.  "And then we have to think about the process, how long it took."  She shot him a sympathetic look before continuing.  "I mean, I love you babe, but you aren't exactly as young as you once were."  He raised his eyebrows, and she appreciated that he didn't voice the  _speak for yourself_  retort that she knew was on the tip of his tongue.  "And I worry that it would be strange to be the oldest parents at our child's graduation."

He studied her, his hands dropping to his lap.  “So you’re saying that you don’t want to try?  But you want to try?”  His eyebrows knit together.  “I'm sorry, I'm a bit lost.”

“Me too.”  She fixated on a point behind him as her mind quieted, pros and cons whispering in the air around her.  “Can we maybe just agree to table this discussion?  Each of us taking some time to think and revisiting in a couple weeks?”

He nodded his head once.  “Sure.  But I already know what I'm going to say.”  His eyes softened, his smile warm.  “I'll do whatever you want to do.”

She sighed.  “I know that.  Just, keep an open mind, and we’ll revisit.”  

He didn’t get a chance to respond before the baby monitor started making noise, letting them know that Owen was awake.  “I’ll get him.”  Castle stood up from his desk, his gaze lingering on one of Hope’s pictures before he made his way to the door.  Stopping in the doorway, his eyes met hers.  “Two weeks, and we’ll go over our options again.  Deal?”  

“Deal.”  She nodded, flashing him a brilliant smile as he ducked out to tend to their grandson.

The solution came to her in an unorthodox way, while solving a murder.  The victim’s name was Amy Felton, a nurse in her early forties found stabbed in her apartment.  Her tox screen had come back positive for heroin and other narcotics.  And an extensive look into her background showed that she had a teenage daughter somewhere in foster care.  

She took her husband with her to do the notification.  It was harder to do when the family members were young, and this situation hit somewhat close to home.

The girl’s name was Sophia, and she sat with them at her kitchen table, her laptop closed in front of her.  “How can I help?”  Her hair was pulled out of her face, and she wore a loose t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts, like she planned on going for a run after all of this.  

“It’s about your mother.”  Kate started, leaning toward the teen.  

But Sophie sat back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest.  “I have nothing to do with her, or her drug dealing boyfriend anymore.”  

Kate’s heart sunk as she watched this child’s pain flash across her face.  She reached out a hand, offering support.  “That’s not it, that’s not why we’re here.”  She took a deep breath, her features softening.  “Sophie, your mother was found dead earlier this morning.”  

But instead of pain, or anger, or anything, Sophie kept her face blank and apathetic.  “Oh.”

“You don’t seem too affected by the news.”  Castle continued, his face just as confused as Kate imagined hers was.  

“What, do you want me to be sad?”  The venom in her voice surprised Kate, making her sit back in her seat, withdrawing her hand.  Sophie’s face turned angry.  “You know, we moved to Tennessee with this guy, my Mom determined to start over.  And at first it was good, she was happy.”  Her face fell, her arms dropping into her lap.  “But when they fought it was vicious.  They would scream, throw things.  It made me feel unsafe for the first time in my life.  I never saw him hit her though, that would have been it.  He didn't get along with me at all.  I came home one day and found him rooting through my stuff.”  She started wringing her hands and picking at her nails.  “I thought he was stealing from me, probably to buy drugs.  We got into this huge fight.  He threatened me, and it wasn’t the first time.  I told my Mom I wanted to come back here.”  She looked up, brown eyes meeting Kate’s, sadness evident in her features for the first time since they sat down.  “She sent me back without a plan.  I couch surfed between my friend’s houses, and sometimes my Grandmother took me in.  But she couldn’t afford to keep me full time, and my friend’s parents were getting suspicious.  When my Grandmother called my Mom and told her I would be put into foster care, my Mom let her do it.  She told her she was ‘done with me and my attitude.’”  Kate’s heart fell, and Castle drew in breath sharply, both of them shocked by this.  But Sophie’s face returned to its stony demeanor.  “She chose the druggie boyfriend over me, her only child.  And when he was arrested, she moved back to the city, claiming to try and rekindle our relationship.  Except all she did was cry about how much she missed him all the time.  I stopped going to see her, and I haven’t seen her in a year.”

“I’m sorry.”  Kate choked out, her eyes trained on Sophie’s.  

The teen shrugged.  “Don’t be.  Melanie, my foster Mom, she’s the Mom I always needed.  I’m better off now.”

“Good.”  Kate pulled out one of her business cards, leaving it on the table.  “Just call me if you think of something that might help us solve it, okay?  Even bad people need justice sometimes.”  Sophie took it, barely glancing at it, and led them out of her house.  

They both said goodbye with aching hearts and spinning heads.  Kate sat in the car, her hands on the wheel, just trying to wrap her head around the story she’d heard.  His hand found its way to her knee, his thumb rubbing soothing circles that brought her back to the present.  “I just don’t get it.  We tried for years to have a child.  We would love that child unconditionally.  But this woman has one and just decides she’s done?”  She turned her head, meeting her husband’s gaze.  “Teenagers aren’t easy, I know because I terrorized my parents.  But you’re supposed to guide them and support them, not give up on them!”  Her voice was getting louder, and speeding up, making her stop so her thoughts could catch up.  “It’s just not fair.”

He shook his head.  “It’s not.”  

She took a breath, reorienting herself.  “I think I want to continue that conversation with you a bit ahead of schedule.”  

“I’d be open to that.”  She felt her stomach flutter with anticipation.  

“First, we have to get some work done on this case.”  As his head nodded, she put the car in drive, and pulled away from Sophie’s house, new ideas forming in her head.  

“It’s not like this is the first brush with the foster care system I’ve had.  We’ve had to call before when a victim has children, and we’ve dealt with them when a suspect has children.  I know that there are children out there that have had it bad.”  She was sitting on the couch, a glass of wine in her hand as she leaned up against him.  “I think it just hit me harder, hearing her story and knowing that I would have gladly taken her in.”  

She felt him inhale as she rose up on his chest, and found herself wishing she could know what he was thinking.  “I’m not against it.  But sometimes I worry that we won’t have the full story.  What if the kid needs a lot of care, or has a lot of issues?”  

“Castle, there’s no guarantee that our own kid wouldn’t have psychological issues.  You don’t need to go through something terrible to have them.”  

“I know that.  But I was thinking PTSD or attachment disorders.”  

Her hand found his, and she laced her fingers through his.  “I hate to say it, but we could do everything right and they might still witness or go through something traumatic.”  Her mother hadn’t planned on being killed when she planned on having a kid.  Martha hadn’t planned on Castle happening across a dead body in the woods.  “So we do what we would do for our own children.  We take them to counseling, and we’re there for them, whatever they need.”

His hand tightened around hers, and he bounced them a few times over her stomach.  “I told you I was up for whatever you wanted to do.  Is this what you want to do, adopt a kid in foster care?”  

She felt a smile stretch across her face as she answered.  “Yes.”  

He tapped her shoulder as he sat up, making her move so he could run to his office.  He returned with his laptop, sitting next to her and placing the computer on his lap between them.  “Let’s get started.”


	4. Chapter 4

__

**They submitted their application three days later** , after asking their friends and Alexis to write them letters of recommendation. Lanie had squealed, wrapping them both in a hug as she assured them over and over that this was the best choice for them. Alexis' eyes stayed trained on Kate the whole time her father told her, a grin stretching across her face as she asked, "Which one of you caved?" Ryan and Esposito competed to see who could write the best letter of recommendation. Kate never told them, but she never couldn't choose between them. Instead, she'd used both of their letters, bringing their grand total to four.

 **Thirty four days after that** , they had their first homestudy visit. The social worker who visited, Tom Day, was friendly and animated, quelling their fears with a practiced ease. "You two seem like you have a handle on this. You've already baby proofed!"

"Well, we have a grandson." Castle explained, his arm tightening around her waist. "We keep an eye on him sometimes for my daughter, Alexis."

"Oh, that's sweet! What's his name?" He sat at the table, a clipboard in front of him as he talked with them.

"Owen." Kate answered, seating herself across from him. "And he is adorable. All smiles all the time, with curious brown eyes, and good tempered like his Mom." She felt her chest swell with pride as she talked about him, her face lighting up as she pictured his gummy grin.

"That sounds great. Tell me more about yourselves." So they launched into their lives, answering his questions honestly about their expectations. She answered questions about her duties as Captain, and how she had a mountain of vacation time she could take off to spend with them as they established their family. Castle talked about his book tours, and how he had an agreement with his publishers not to send him away on long trips for long periods of time while there were young children at home. They got fingerprinted and showed him around the loft, and showed him the nursery that used to be Hope's, but now was Owen's to use when he visited. He then gave them the information about the required thirty hour training class and promised to see them soon.

 **Eight days later** they went to their physicals, requesting copies so they could go in the file. And that night they started classes, learning about the adoption and foster care system. They brainstormed as a group different ways to help a child feel some sort of stability, either by keeping them in touch with family members, or connecting them with people in their own cultural group. And they discussed Reactive Attachment Disorder, and how to deal with it.

They returned home that night, each silent as they let the lesson sink in. Castle didn't even ask, just poured them each a glass of wine, and met her at the couch. Something about the way she wouldn't meet his eye must have tipped him off. "What's on your mind?"

"What if our child never bonds with me?" His arm pulled her into him at her words, his hand sliding up and down her upper arm, comforting her. "I mean, you're the one who's going to be home more. What does that mean for me?"

He took a deep breath. "You're jumping the gun here. This might not be a problem." His hand tightened around her shoulder, his lips connecting with the side of her head. "And even if it is, we'll make it work. You can have your own special things with them that I'm not a part of. Besides, if we adopt an older child, they'll be at school for most of the day, and it won't matter where I am." As she leaned back into him, he played with the ends of her hair, twisting it around his fingers. "You're going to be a natural at this. I saw it with Hope, and I see it every time you play with Owen. Don't psych yourself out."

"I'll try." She agreed, sinking into his chest. His arms around her quieted her fears to a mere whisper, one that could be overpowered by her limited experience. But they didn't bring up the class again that night.

 **Twenty-six days after** , when they'd been to two of the classes, Tom came to visit them again. This time, Kate handed him a folder with her service record in it, as well as their physicals and their forms that Dr. Burke had filled out. He sat with them in Castle's office, in one of the comfy chairs. Kate took his seat while her husband pulled over a chair, his hand resting on her knee. Tom took his time, looking around and taking in the room. "I like this. The books, the pictures. It tells a story about the people who live here."

Kate grinned, her hand covering her husband's. "The first time I saw it, I realized it was my dream library. I used to have books lining the stairs at my apartment." She looked around the now familiar room, her eyes catching some of her favorite books on their shelves. "I was so jealous the first time I saw this."

"I wouldn't expect anything less in the home of a novelist." Tom grinned, tilting his head to better see one of the picture on Castle's desk. "Is this your grandson, or is this Hope?"

They answered in unison, their voices falling as they spoke. "Hope." It was one of Kate's favorites. The little girl in her crib, asleep, her fist wrapped around the trunk of the elephant that now resided on the top shelf of the bookcase.

The scratch of Tom's pen on his notepad brought her back to reality. "Would it be fair to say that you're a little nervous about this process? Afraid to be let down again?"

Kate let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding as she heard her fear out loud. She'd hoped it wouldn't be so obvious. "Pretty much. But I'm trying to keep the faith this time around." Her hand found Castle's knee, giving it an appreciative squeeze. "That's what he's best at."

"And it's good that you two are open to counseling." Tom continued, his brown eyes inviting. "A lot of these kids have dealt with losses, and other life changing events. It's great that you understand and can normalize the need for help every now and then." He offered them a cheerful smile before looking back down at his notes. "Okay, why don't you tell me about your childhoods? What type of discipline you grew up with, your relationships with your parents, anything that you think is important."

They took turns describing their upbringings, Castle going first as he described the single-parent household he'd always known. He spoke of boarding schools and traveling, and described his mother's active role in his upbringing, despite the distance that came with her job. And then he described raising his daughter the same way. Listening to him describe raising Alexis helped Kate realize how this was sort of new territory for both of them. She had never raised a child and didn't count her limited experience with Hope, and he had never co-parented. He was always the one responsible for the decisions.

Kate went on to tell a different story, one of being raised by two parents, spending time with cousins, and vacations to her father's cabin over the winter. She spoke of ballgames with her father, helping her mother with Thanksgiving dinner, and singing carols around the fire over the holidays. The entire time, her husband watched her, soaking in her stories like a sponge, as per usual.

"And how would you say you get along with your parents now?"

She heard her husband snort next to her, making a grin bubble up on her face. "Are you kidding? I'm half surprised my Mother hasn't shown up today, unannounced, to declare us good parents in an attempt to 'help' us with our application." She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing out loud, the visual both hysterical and terrifying. "But in all seriousness, my Mother is wonderful, and just as excited about what all of this could mean as we are. She's supportive, kind, and a bit too curious for her own good, but she has the best intentions at heart."

"I'm glad to hear it." The social worker trained his eyes on Kate, his gaze steady and his question clear.

She took a breath, fiddling with her hands in her lap again. "Well, my Mom died when I was nineteen." The room grew cold, the positive energy zapped up with a single sentence, her stomach sinking. "And my Dad and I were estranged for some time." It was the easiest way to put it, without diving in completely. It didn't matter anyway because it wasn't representative of their relationship now. "But we've both come around, and now we get along like we used to." She grinned as she spoke, remembering the ball game they went to a month ago, keeping track of stats as they caught up. "He's the second person I want to tell all my big news to. We meet for lunch every week, and he comes over for dinner every now and then."

"I'm glad to hear that." Tom leaned forward, both of their attention focused on him. "I know you two are trying to adopt. Even so, it's important that the child still have ties to their family members. Many of them have stayed with family before entering the system, and in some cases they have extremely close bonds."

They nodded simultaneously, like always. "Of course." Kate stated, her hand tightening on her husband's knee. "We can do that."

Tom's grin stretched wider than she'd ever seen it as he leaned over to make a small mark on his form. "Great. Speaking of maintaining familial relationships, how would you feel about taking in a sibling group?" She and her husband locked eyes, his eyebrows raised as he looked back at her, following her lead. "I don't need an answer today. Just think about it."

She heaved her shoulders up and down, searching her husband's face for a clue. "I mean, I always wanted an older sister. I just wanted to take all her clothes and meet older boys, but still."

"I wanted a younger sibling, one I could play with behind the scenes."

He wouldn't answer without her okay, a fact she found both endearing and annoying. A sibling would be great for their new addition. Except she knew that one kid was a huge adjustment. How much more of an adjustment would two kids be?

"I do want to mention that saying yes to this question doesn't guarantee you a group. We still may match you with only one child." Tom's voice cut through her thoughts, answering her questions. She took a moment to look around and imagine their future. But instead of the one child she always saw sitting on the couch, watching movies with them, she saw two. An older one, pointing and laughing at the screen, huddled close to her side, and a younger one curled up on her husband's chest.

So when she made the decision, she looked her husband in the eye. "We can do it. We can take siblings." The grin on her husband's face washed away all her doubts.

 **Twenty three days** after that visit, they'd completed all the classes, and handed over all of their paperwork. They became registered foster parents. They celebrated at Alexis' house, their grandson nestled in Kate's lap, his fingers wrapped around her hair. "Watch out for that, he loves to pull." As if on cue, Owen yanked as hard as he could, making Kate yelp out in surprise. The sound of his giggle _almost_ made the pain worth it, but she pushed her hair over to her other shoulder, just out of his reach. "I think he just likes seeing our reactions." Alexis explained, sitting next to Kate on the couch.

Kate pressed a kiss to his cheek while he grabbed the buttons on her sweater. "Maybe he'll be a scientist."

"That's what Emmet said!" Alexis grinned, her hand smoothing down his hair. She met her father's eyes across the room. "So, you two are licensed now. How long until you get to meet some kids?"

Castle answered, Alexis' attention focused on him, her hand resting at Owen's back. "Well, there is a meet and greet coming up in about a month that we can go to. Until then we have to wait for a call."

Alexis offered Kate a wide smile, her hand falling away from her son's back. "Well, I wish you two the best." Her eyes flickered between them before settling on her father. "It's nice to see you both so happy again."

"We've been unhappy?" Kate asked, adjusting the toddler in her lap and tying her hair back.

Alexis shrugged, her bright blue eyes now trained on the woman sitting next to her. "Sort of. It's hard to explain. I mean, you were happy before too, when it was just the two of you, but something changed after you gave back Hope." Kate could feel her heart hardening at the memory, her mind drifting back to the year that followed. "I mean, I can only imagine how it felt, I would lose my mind if something happened to this little guy." Her hand reached out to touch him, like a reassurance he was still there. "But to watch you get back on solid ground, and then make a decision that was meant to bring joy back into your lives has been wonderful to experience. And I can't wait until this all works out in your favor."

"Me neither." Kate held her Grandson closer, crooning in his ear. "What do you say, Owen, want to be an uncle?" His answering coo made her smile, his enthusiasm for everything bringing her hope.

 **It was six days later** when she got a call at work, the harsh sound of her office phone pulling her out of her paperwork trance. "Beckett."

"Um, I'm looking for Kate Castle, I think I have the wrong extension."

"No, that's me. Sorry." When her Dad called and she answered like that, he always responded with a cheeky 'this is he'. "They still call me 'Beckett' at work. What can I help you with?"

"This is Tom." Her heartbeat picked up at that, the file in front of her closing. "We tried your house and your husband's cell, but no one picked up."

"Sorry about that, he's in a meeting with his publisher."

"That's fine, I'm just glad I got in touch with one of you. Is there any chance you can head into the office today? We have two siblings, and we'd like you to look at their profiles. They have to be placed quickly."

Her heart stopped, and her hand searched for the planner she kept underneath her mountains of paperwork. She looked it over, thankful that she didn't have any meetings planned for later. "Yeah, I can come, and Castle should be free after one. What works?"

"Just get here as soon as you can, and I'll be waiting."

"Great. See you soon." She hung up and pulled out her cell phone, typing a quick message to her husband. _They may have found a match, and the kids need to be placed quickly. As soon as you're out of your meeting, head over to Tom's office. I'll meet you there._ She flung her jacket over her arm, the weather warm enough not to need it, but she wasn't sure if she'd be coming back today. She left instructions with Espo, and told him to call her if he needed anything before running to the elevator, her heart beating faster as her nerves set in.

Castle beat her there. She found him bouncing on the balls of his feet, a smile plastered on his face as he talked with Tom. "Here she is!" His arms wrapped around her as she approached, his lips pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." He kept his arm around her, helping her relax as they walked into Tom's office together.

It was in Tom's office that Kate first laid eyes on the children who would one day be hers. It was only two pictures, but she felt like she couldn't take her eyes away from them. The boy was about five, with dark hair and sad eyes, a scowl on his face as he looked past the camera. And the little girl was probably just over a year, her hair a few shades lighter than her brother's, her dark eyes staring at the camera, her mouth open in surprise. They were beautiful, and Kate could feel her heart pulling her towards them.

Tom was explaining the situation, the need for urgency. "The woman they've been staying with, Diane, just found out that her mother is sick. She has to move back to Canada within the month."

"That's awful." Kate answered, her heart going out to the woman she'd never met.

"She's torn up about it. She was hoping to adopt these two, and the other girl in her care, but we can't finalize anything that quick. I assured her I'd try to find a good home for these two." He pointed to the picture of the boy. "This is Christopher. He is quiet, and for the most part takes direction well. But he is slow to trust, so it may take him a bit to warm up to you. Once he does though, he's the cuddliest kid and he opens up easier." His finger drifted to the baby, Kate's heart soaring as she looked at the picture. "And this is Olivia. At first we were worried about her because she seemed a little behind, developmentally. But in the care of Diane, she has thrived. She's still a bit behind on her language, but I think Christopher speaks for her." He sat back, his hands folding on his desk. "Just one more thing. Usually we advise against it to keep things as stable as possible, but you may want to think about legally changing their first names if this placement works out." Her eyebrow raised in question, and she and her husband shared a look before Castle asked for more information.

Tom took a deep breath. "Their mother is determined to get them back, at any cost. We were working closely with her on a reunification plan, and it seemed to be going well. Until she took them from their last foster home and tried to flee the country."

They gasped, and Kate found herself clutching her hand around the picture of Christopher, already protecting him. "So you're worried she may try to take them again."

"Unfortunately, she might. She's in prison for the next eight years or so, but I worry about what will happen when she gets out." Kate met her husband's eye, the picture of Olivia clutched in his hand the same way. She watched a playful smile tease the corners of his mouth before he turned back to the social worker, his hand clutching at hers.

"When can we meet them?"

 **Two days later,** they knocked on the door of the house where the two children lived. Alexis had come with them, Owen in tow, with the permission of Diane, who thought that a younger child there would help open them up. The door opened, a woman Kate's age offering them a smile. "You must be the Castle family. It's great to see you all!" She ushered them in, taking their jackets and hanging them on the rack. She shook everyone's hand, pinched Owen's toes, and led them into her living room. Boxes were stacked high as she prepared to move, the house disheveled as she tried to keep children entertained and get her life on track. "Okay, Liv is napping, I'm gonna grab her in a second." She looked at the boy on the couch, who was entranced with whatever was on TV. "CJ, can you come here for a sec?" He rolled his eyes, pausing the television and shuffling forward. He clutched at Diane's leg, peering out at them from behind her, his dark eyes big and bright. Diane kneeled down, her hands running through his hair. "This is Rick and Kate, their daughter, Alexis, and baby Owen. They came to meet you and Liv."

"Am I gonna have to live with them now?"

Diane looked up at them, regret in her eyes, pleading for help, and Kate found herself wondering if they'd had this conversation with the kids yet. Kate found herself copying the woman's position, kneeling down to look the boy in the eye, opening herself up to him.

"Not if these next few visits don't go well. But you have to go live somewhere, sweetheart. I can't take you with me."

So they had talked, and he wasn't handling it well, not that she could blame him. It couldn't be easy to jump around from place to place during your life. She held out a hand to him. "Hi, Christopher, I'm Kate."

His face wrinkled into a look of disgust, his head hiding in Diane's shoulder. "Don't call me that!"

Kate found herself launching backwards. Two minutes in and she'd already done something wrong. Diane looked back at her, brown eyes full of compassion. "He hates being called by his full name. We usually stick with CJ."

"I'm sorry, nobody told me that. I'll remember that from now on." She made her voice as soothing as possible, delighting when he turned his head to look back at her. He took her still outstretched hand, shaking it once before pulling it away. "It's nice to meet you."

Diane pushed him out from around her, directing him to the couch where another girl was sitting, a few years older than him, her hands in a book. "I have to wake up Liv. But go sit and talk to Rick and Kate." She stood, addressing the adults. "Make yourself at home, please." With that she left them, climbing up the stairs and leaving the alone with the children.

Alexis sat on the couch next to the older girl, Owen cooing in her lap. The girl turned her head, her smile wide, her hair in two bushy pigtails high on her head. "You have a baby! Is it a boy baby or a girl baby?"

"He's a boy. His name is Owen. What's your name?"

"Lauren." She reached out, her hand unsure of where to go until she felt his feet. "What does he look like?"

"Well, he's got brown eyes like yours, and red hair like mine. And he's super chubby!"

Lauren giggled, moving closer. "Can I look at him?"

"Yeah?" Alexis seemed unsure, but the girl was gentle, moving really close, her hands on the side of his face. Her nose almost touched his, but he didn't seem to mind, cooing and smiling, reaching his hands forward to play with her hair.

"Lauren doesn't see very good, she has to get really close to you if she wants to look at you." CJ explained to them, watching the exchange in front of him with amusement.

Lauren grinned back at Owen, sitting back and clapping her hands with delight. "He's so cute! And happy! Happy babies are the best."

"He is." And before Kate knew it, the two became fast friends, Lauren chatting Alexis' ear off about everything she could think of, much to the redhead's delight.

Kate turned her attention back to the boy, who had fallen silent, his eyes glued to the still paused TV. "What do you like to watch, CJ?"

"Scooby Doo and Spongebob. Except Liv hates Scooby Doo so I can only watch it when she's sleeping." He crossed his arms over his chest, his scowl deepening, and Kate got the sense that this rule wasn't his favorite.

"You know, when I was little, Scooby Doo scared me. It used to give me nightmares."

"Scooby Doo only gives nightmares to babies." His grin was mischievous, revealing a set of deep dimples.

Kate chuckled, trying to meet his eye. "Well yeah, I was a baby once. But now I catch bad guys, and Scooby Doo doesn't scare me anymore."

His eyes grew wide as he looked at her, his attention no longer fixated on the television behind her. "You catch bad guys? Like a superhero?"

Now she grinned, her husband watching the interaction with laughter in his eyes. "Kind of!"

"Cool. I like Spiderman and Green Lantern the best." Their attention was drawn to the stairs, where Diane was returning, a confused looking Olivia in her arms. She could feel her heart skip a beat as she watched her husband take the girl, gently rocking her back and forth as he crooned.

Kate turned her attention back to the boy, who was watching his sister with a scowl, making her wonder how often Olivia got more attention than he did. "I like Elektra."

"Do you have comic books?"

"We do, at our house. Maybe I'll bring you a few next time." She found herself breathing a sigh of relief as he opened up a little, talking a mile a minute about his own collection. After some time, Castle handed the infant over to Kate, who listened to her brother with rapt attention.

The visit really took off when Diane came back with crayons and paper, spreading them on the hardwood floor for all to enjoy. CJ drew his favorite superheroes and Chuckie from the Rugrats while Olivia scribbled with the colors that grabbed her attention. Even Lauren had picked up some paper, drawing tiny dots so she could show her new friend how she read. She chattered about music, and how she wanted to be a songwriter someday, but that Diane hadn't found a piano teacher willing to teach a blind girl.

When the visit was over, Diane wrapped them in enormous hugs at the door. "I have been praying every night for a family for all of them, and I'm so happy that my prayers were answered for two out of three." She clasped her hands around Kate's, her eyes pleading. "Would it be weird if I asked you just to keep me updated? Just for a little while as they adjust?"

"Not at all." Her husband answered before she could. "We get it." Giving up kids that were wanted was tough, no matter the circumstances.

Lauren cried as Alexis climbed into the car, one hand on her cane, the other arm wrapped around Diane's arm. "Will she come back again?"

Diane pressed a kiss to the girl's forehead. "Maybe, sweetheart. We'll see."

Kate sat in the back with the baby, who started snoring the moment they pulled away. She leaned forward, elbows on her knees, to talk with her family. "Lauren took a liking to you, Alexis."

"I know," the younger woman chuckled, "I hated leaving. You know, she knows that she'll probably end up in a group home."

"Why would she think that?" Castle voiced her feelings, her heart going out to the young girl.

"Because she's blind. She told me it was harder to be placed because of a disability. It's not fair." The car fell silent as her words sunk in, Owen's snores echoing around them. "I mean, I'd take her, but I kind of have a husband to think about, and it took you guys how long, exactly?"

"About three months." The answer fell from her lips quickly, surprising both occupants in the car. "But you should talk to Emmet. Maybe he'll go for it, and then Lauren will only be in a group home for a few months."

"I bet you could even visit her while the application is processing."

Kate could see the small smile on Alexis' face as they spoke, urging her on. "Maybe."

 **Five days passed** before Alexis and Emmet officially asked them to write a letter of recommendation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying, "just one more chapter," but they keep getting away from me. I have a clear vision about how I want this to end, it's just taking me longer than I anticipated. But I hope you're all up for the ride! I mean it this time, just one more left!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to put this here now to avoid confusion. There are character name changes in this chapter. Since CJ wants to change his name, once he picks a new one, that is what he gets referred to. Since Olivia is too young to have a say, Castle and Beckett first used old name-new name, then new name-old name, and then just referred to her by her new name. I did a ton of research about changing kids names during an adoption, and the feelings were split, but this was one of the techniques outlined for getting a younger child used to their name. Thank you, and please enjoy the final chapter!

**It was a week** before they could see the kids again.  This time they met Diane at the carousel in Central Park.  The Mary Poppins organ music seemed louder, though it might have been because CJ was singing along, the words falling out of his mouth with ease as he danced between the horses.  Castle took point with him this time, listening to the six year old spout knowledge and spin stories with a wide grin on his face.  Olivia was content ripping the grass out of the ground and putting it on Kate’s knee, giggling with each handful.  They walked around, picking a bouquet of dandelions and other weeds that Kate wrapped with a hair tie for safekeeping.  

When they got home, she hung it upside down above her nightstand.  His arm wrapped around her waist, and he looked up at the bundle of weeds.  “It looks perfect.”  His voice was a whisper, one filled with joy, and he pressed a kiss to her temple as she melted into him.  

 **Two days later** , the kids were placed with them.  It was supposed to be just an overnight visit, but Diane’s mother had taken a turn for the worst, and she had to leave.  Olivia seemed unfazed, too young to grasp what was happening, but CJ was sobbing, his arms wrapped around Diane’s legs.  Even she had tears in her eyes as she knelt down to hug him one last time.  And as the woman who had cared for him left, he stared at the door, his eyes closed as he muttered something over and over.  He was praying for her to come back.  

As Kate dragged their trash bags of belongings upstairs, she decided that the first thing she would buy them was some proper luggage.  As she put away their clothes, she decided that the second would be clothing that fit, and was appropriate for the seasons.  

The night was a nightmare.  Castle learned that CJ hated peppers when the boy refused to eat spaghetti with the sauce, throwing a tantrum Kate would have expected from Olivia.  He had retreated into himself, not talking to either of them, and even refusing to look up when they pulled out their comic book collections for him to go through.  

And Olivia screamed.  All night.  The routine that Diane had given them wasn’t working.  “After a bath, read a story, then sing a lullaby, and she’ll sleep like a baby.”  But it must not have been the _right_ story or the _right_ lullaby, or it wasn’t sung to her by the _right_ person, but she didn’t fall asleep.  Instead, Kate and Rick took turns pacing around the living room with her.  At almost five in the morning, she settled, but wouldn’t let them lay her down, so Rick collapsed on the couch with her on his chest.  Kate sat next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, and she worried.  Adjustments weren’t supposed to be easy.  But what if they went about this all wrong?

 **After thirty-three days** , some things had changed, and some had stayed the same.  Olivia seemed to be thriving.  Her speech had improved, as CJ was no longer speaking for her, and she had started falling asleep much easier.  But CJ still hadn’t warmed up to them.  Kate felt like she was hitting a brick wall each time she tried to get him to open up, when he would respond to her queries with only one word.  

As she dropped his shoes in his lap, she flicked off the TV, his mouth falling as he dropped the controller in his hand.  “Come on, we have to go.  Auntie Janice is waiting.”  They’d set up a visit with a family member at the urging of Tom, and were hoping it would help to open him up a bit.  

But CJ just shook his head, pushing his shoes to the floor.  “I don’t want to go.”  

She found herself rolling her eyes as she huffed, picking up the boy’s sneakers and depositing them back into his lap.  “Well, that’s too bad.  We’re going.”

“No!”  His voice was loud and echoed in the loft, making Castle peer his head around the corner, a fifteen month old resting on his hip.  

Kate rose her voice to the same level, frustrated and forgetting all about the lessons that told her to remain calm.  “You know what, Christopher?  We’re running…”

“Don’t call me that!”  His interruption came with another volume increase, but this time there was fear in his voice instead of anger.  His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he made eye contact with Kate for the first time since he’d moved in.  He dropped his voice to a whisper, his hands playing in his lap.  “Please don’t make me go.”  

Kate dropped to the ground at his request, listening to his voice crack, and reached a hand out to cup his cheek.  She nodded, offering him an apologetic smile before calling out to her husband.  “Rick, CJ doesn’t feel well.  I better stay here with him.”  CJ deflated at her words, relaxing back into the couch.  

Her husband raised his eyebrows, glancing between them a few times, before shrugging his shoulders.  “Okay.”  He tugged the baby closer, Kate smiling at the little girl’s laughter, and headed for the door.  “Looks like it's just you and me, Liv.”  He blew a kiss in her direction as he left, the door closing with a thud behind them.  

CJ hadn't moved toward his controller or the television remote.  Instead he sat, staring past Kate, his breathing heavy.  She squeezed a hand around his knee, getting his attention and locking eyes with him.  “So, I'm not going to push you to tell me anything you don't want to.  But I want you to know that I'm here.  I'm always here.  And I'll always listen with an open mind.”  He stayed silent as he nodded, his eyes searching hers like he was looking for the truth.  And despite the fact that she felt like progress was being made, it frustrated her that he still wouldn't open up.  True to her word and ignoring that little voice in the back of her head, she sat next to him on the couch, turning the TV back on, his game stuck on a pause screen.  “You know, I never got into video games.  But sometimes I like to watch Rick play.  Do you mind if I watch?”  

The boy heaved his shoulders up and down.  “Whatever.”  She watched him select a level, and watched as he navigated the worlds to beat the puzzles.  Each time he beat one, he would grin, his dimples deep in his cheeks as he did a little victory dance.  After a few levels, Kate would dance with him.  And he wouldn’t retreating.  Soon, even on tougher levels, he would listen to her advice, his grin growing whenever one of her suggestions worked.  It was small, but it meant the world to her.  

After an hour and a particularly difficult level, he paused the game and looked straight ahead.  “Auntie Janice was the first person we lived with after Mommy.  And she wasn’t really nice.  She got angry a lot and yelled.  She would throw things and make a lot of noise.  And she hit me sometimes.”  

It was the most she’d heard him say since their first visit at Diane’s house.  Her instincts told her to reach out and hold him close, but the nagging voice in the back of her head begged her not to push anything.  So instead she just ran her hand up and down his back, her voice soft as she spoke.  “I’m sorry.  I promise, I won’t make you see her if you don’t want to.”  

“Please don’t call me Christopher either.  She only called me that when she was really angry.”  And with that one simple request, plus the new information about what he’d suffered, she understood his reaction earlier.  Between her raised voice and the use of his full name, he had a flashback.  

“I won’t, I promise.”  At her reassurance, CJ leaned into her, his head resting on her shoulder.  “You know, if you end up staying with us, you and Liv could both have new names.  Then you wouldn’t have to worry about me using your full name.”  

At this, he perked up, his head moving so he could look her in the eye.  “Could I help pick mine?”

Kate shrugged and offered him a smile.  “You’re old enough to have a say if you want.”  Now he grinned, wider than she’d ever seen, his eyes searching the air as he thought about it.  “But Rick and I have veto power, that’s the rule.  No calling yourself ‘Megatron’ or ‘Fang.’”

“But Megatron is such a cool name!”

“No!”  She laughed as he once again settled against her, the conversation reminiscent of one she’d had with her husband about ‘Cosmo’.  “See, veto power.”

“I don’t like veto power.”  His hands had moved back to the controller, but now he was curled into Kate, allowing her to rest her hand on his shoulder.  

“Well, tough luck, kiddo.”  She dug around with her free hand, pulling out her phone and sending a quick text to Castle.   _Hey, do me a favor.  Don't leave Liv alone with that woman. I'll fill you in when you get home._

 **Six days later** , Castle came home with a book of names.  This delighted CJ, who would turn the pages, point to names at random, and ask what they said.  Kate read them all to him, including their meanings, and watched his face as he reacted.  “Should I keep one that starts with ‘c’?”

“Pick whatever you want, Bud.  Start all over if you want to.”  Castle answered, dropping a bologna sandwich in front of him.  

“Sweet!”  He went back to the book, picking out long names, ones that looked cool, asking Kate to read them all.  Each day since they’d talked, CJ had started opening up more.  It started with cuddling as they watched movies together.  The look on Castle's face when CJ first squished himself into his foster father's side was priceless.  Then, Castle did something Kate was still afraid to do.  He pulled the boy closer, squeezing him into one of those hugs that reminded her of her younger days.  After this, it was little steps each day. Once he asked for help with homework, and another day he couldn't wait to help Castle cook dinner.  He participated in the bedtime story now instead of just listening, and played with his sister, talking for her and making her laugh, like he used to before.  

As soon as Olivia’s plastic plate made contact with her tray, she started dismantling the sandwich, grinning up at Castle with her eyes scrunched shut.  “Sanks!”  

Castle leaned down, pressing a kiss to the girl’s hair.  “Anytime, Princess.”  

Kate didn't know when CJ stopped flipping pages, his eyes trained on the corner of the page, his movements stiff, and she found herself worrying he would retreat back into his shell.  "If I'm looking at names, does that mean you want to keep us?"  

It always amazed her how quickly he could change.  One moment, he's having fun, loud and sure of himself, and the next he'd be so small and unsure.  Her hand found his, and she squeezed it tight, grabbing his attention.  "If you want to stay with us, we'd be happy to keep you.   And if you didn't, well we'd work our hardest to make sure you ended up somewhere great."

And then the boy said seven words that made her heart soar.  “Don't do that.  I want to stay.”

All she managed to choke out was, "okay."

Later that that night, a notebook between them, they thought up some ideas for Olivia.  Kate jotted down ‘Charlotte Olivia Castle’ on the top of the page, trying to slow down the thoughts racing in her head.  “If there wasn't a history with the birth family, I wouldn't change her name.  I like her name.”  Her fingers traced the ‘O’, her mind drifting to her chubby little bundle of laughs with the cheesy grin.  “It suits her.”  

“I know.  But I worry that this adoption will already be high profile, and I just think that changing her first name will bring her a little more security.”  Kate leaned into his touch as he spoke, her hand moving toward the pen again, ‘Elizabeth Olivia Castle’ joining the list.  “Besides, as teenagers, kids like to go by middle names.  And if she wants to legally change it back, we can take care of that for her once she’s old enough.”  He gestured for the pen, adding ‘Cosma Olivia Castle,’ underlining it for emphasis.  

She rolled her eyes, but he’d achieved his goal.  She laughed, grabbing the pen from it and crossing it off the list.  He countered, stealing the pen back and adding another name.  ‘Johanna Olivia Castle.’

Her heart filled with gratitude at the gesture, but she took the pen and crossed it out anyway, and turned her head to meet his eye.  “Mom would be so proud.  But it’s not fair to Liv, to give her a name of a person she’s never met, and expect her to live up to those expectations.  I don't want her to feel more guilty when she makes mistakes about disappointing not only us, but the memory of my Mother.”

“Okay, I get that.”  He reached for the pen again, writing slowly, his arm blocking the name.  “But I think this one both honors your Mom, and allows her to be her own person.  Plus, I think it’s pretty.”  When he moved his arm, her smile grew as she read the name in his familiar scrawl.  'Josie Olivia Castle.'  

“I could get behind that.”

“I'm glad.” He pulled her in, pressing a kiss to her head and dropping the pen.  “Did CJ get any closer to finding something he liked?”  

“Well, we talked about it at bedtime.  He wants to stick with names that start with ‘c’.  So far he seems to like Cole, Carter, Caleb, Charlie, and Connor.  And we should pick a middle name that starts with ‘j’ so he can keep his initials if he wants.”

“Maybe I'll suggest Cosmo.”  He waggled his eyebrows at her as she pushed him away.  

“Seriously Castle?  Twice in less than five minutes.”  She narrowed her eyes at him, tucking the notebook away in her nightstand before pulling back the covers.  “And don't even think about mentioning it to him, he might think you're serious.”

 **Three days later** , while Kate was kissing the toddler on her neck, laughing at her squeals, there was a knock on their door.  Castle opened it while she repositioned Olivia-Josie on her hip.  “Tom!  What can we do for you today?”  

Despite the case manager’s cheerful grin, Kate clutched her foster daughter closer, her mind traveling back to that day years ago when she opened the door to find Maria waiting.  She had the same reaction each time Tom came to visit, and each time she couldn't relax until her husband was by her side.  This time was no different.  His hand on her back helped her to breathe, her shoulders relaxing.  “Just checking in.”  His eyes travelled up and down her, taking in her crisp uniform, and the way her hair twisted into a tight bun in the back of her head.  “Are you back at work?”  

“Three days a week.”  She answered, holding Olivia-Josie a bit closer, the toddler burying her head in Kate’s neck. “But we have a huge case, and I have to do a press conference today, hence the uniform.”

The voice of CJ yelled out from the table, the boy speaking with a mouthful of cereal.  “I think Kate’s uniform looks cool!”  

“Hey bud! It is cool!  Make sure you're chewing, okay?”  Tom called back, acknowledging him before turning back to the adults.  “So you're only working part time?”

She nodded, letting the squirming child in her arms down to run across the living room.  “I’m gradually picking things up.”

“Glad to hear it.  I'll bring by that paperwork you requested once you get back to a regular schedule, as long as everything is still running smoothly.”  The adoption paperwork.  Everything they needed to solidify their lives.  Kate’s heart began to race just thinking about it.  “It can take some time to get a hearing, but in the meantime you can discuss names, notify the family that you have contact with that you plan to adopt, and keep an open dialogue with CJ about the process.”  

“Well we are working on one of those things now.”  Castle spoke up, thrusting his head to indicate the little girl, who was banging on a toy drum.  “Liv will soon be known as Josie, and CJ is still marinating on a few names for himself.”  

The boy appeared at her side as they spoke, his hand finding Kate’s and squeezing tight.  “I have three that I like.”  He told Tom, a hint of a smile on his face.

“I look forward to hearing it.  I bet it will be great.”  At Kate’s glance at the clock behind him and the shuffling of her feet, he addressed her, writing a quick note on the top of his clipboard.  “Don’t let me keep you, Kate.  I’ll give notice next time.  Please don’t change your routine because I’m here.”  

She wanted to call the boys and tell them she’d be late.  She wanted to stay for the whole visit.  She wanted to make sure that the kids would still be there when she returned.  Her husband’s hand on her back soothed her though, and instead she only whispered, “Okay,” and rushed off to the living room to press a real goodbye kiss into Olivia-Josie’s curls.  CJ stayed close to her side, his arms wrapping around her neck when she turned to him.  “Bye guys.  Be good.”  She grabbed her hat from the table and kissed her husband on the cheek as she rushed out the door, listening to Tom ask about how things went when she was gone.  She couldn’t wait for the day to be over.  

 **Seventeen days after the unannounced visit,** Castle brought the kids to the precinct.  Without telling her.  She had to text LT while they were in her office to get someone to cover the murder board.  “What are you guys doing here?”  The file that had been open in front of her made its way into her desk, hiding from prying and impressionable eyes.  

“We wanted to show you something.”  Castle answered, his hand on the boy’s shoulders.  With a nudge, and a “go ahead” from Castle, CJ stepped forward, holding out an oversized piece of paper.  As Kate turned it around, she saw a picture of a face, darker skin and warm hazel eyes, with black spiky hair.  “It’s his self-portrait.”  

“CJ, it’s wonderful!”  She couldn’t help but look around and see where it might look good in her office.  “I think I need more original artwork in here, what do you think?”  But she never heard his response, if he even responded at all.  Because her eyes fell to the bottom of the page, where he’d signed it with a blue crayon.  Caleb.  “You picked a name.”  

“Are you gonna use your veto power?”  

She had to laugh at that, kneeling down to press a kiss to his cheek.  “No, Caleb.  I won’t use my veto power.”

Later that night, after reading them a story and tucking them in, Kate accepted the glass of wine that Castle had poured for her.  As she sunk onto the couch, Castle’s hand landed on her knee, and the thing that had been bugging her all day came tumbling from her lips.  “You can’t stop by with them unannounced.”  

His responding grin was sheepish and apologetic, his blue eyes softening.  “I realized that as we were leaving, when the murder board was covered with the sheet.”

“I don’t mean they can never come by,” she explained, relief flooding her chest at his understanding, “I’m just asking for a call first to make sure we can cover the board, or that we aren’t interrogating any suspects.  But right now they don’t get it.”  Her mind drifted to the little boy upstairs, his head resting on his Harry Potter pillowcase, arms wrapped around his stuffed bear.  “CJ, I mean, Caleb thinks that I save people.  But the truth is, I just bring them justice once they’re gone.”  

He grinned at her, placing his glass of wine on the side table before speaking.  “You don’t want to fall in his eyes.  It’s cute.”  

“Well, he’s seen a lot of disappointment.  I don’t want to add to that list.”  

“Kate, you catch the bad guys.”  His voice was soft and reassuring.  “Without you there would still be hundreds of murderers roaming the streets.  You do make a difference, and you do save people.  You won’t be any less cool in his eyes.”

Why she needed his reassurance, she didn’t know.  How cool Caleb thought she was had nothing to do with whether he stayed with them.  Her job being a bit different wouldn’t make him hate her.  But she still snuggled close to her husband, her head resting on his chest, her arm wrapping around his midsection and pulling him close.  “Promise?”

She felt the kiss he pressed to the top of her head.  I promise.”

 **Ten days later** they filed the paperwork and got a hearing date for the official adoption.  Kate paced that night, running through every possibility in her head that could prevent this from happening.  Castle took her by the hand, kissed her forehead, and whispered, “I worry too.”  Somehow, sitting with him on the bed, and listening to his ridiculous theories about how the kids would be taken away again, and voicing hers out loud, helped her realize that she didn’t need to worry so much.  

 **Another thirty-six days later** , on one of her days off, she went shopping with everyone in tow.  Caleb wanted to try out for little league, and they needed to get him his own glove.  Of course, Castle needed one too, and Josie-Olivia wanted every brightly colored ball she came across, so the quick trip to the sporting goods store took almost two hours.  But then they were in Central Park, Kate tossing a bright green kickball to the toddler, who laughed each time she had to chase it, and Castle playing catch with Caleb, helping him break the glove in.  Kate had to laugh, because Castle dropped the ball as much as (and maybe more than) Caleb, who watched the ball with his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth.

After a half hour, Josie-Olivia tried to run towards them, right into the center of their game, and Kate had to catch her.  As the girl seemed interested in the boy’s game of catch, Kate sat with her in her lap, cheering them on.  “Say, ‘Go Caleb!’ Say, ‘Catch the ball!’”

“Go Caweb, go!”  She yelled back, copying Kate’s words with her hands in the air.  The boy waved before throwing the baseball over Castle’s head, laughing as the man leapt for it.  As Castle turned to chase it, Josie-Olivia let out another yell.  “Get it, Daddy!”  

Kate stilled, her fingers gripping the toddler tighter.  But as Castle turned, his grin was brighter than he’d ever seen it.  He raced toward them, picking up the girl and pressing kisses to her neck, laughing each time she said, “Daddy, top it!  That’s enough!”

Caleb called her ‘Mom” first though, **two days after the park** , at his try outs when he hit the ball into the outfield.  He was so excited, running towards her, and yelling, “Mom, Mom, did you see?  Did you see how far that ball went, Mom?”

She met him with a hug, letting him wrap his arms around her neck, while she hid her smile in his shoulder.  “I did.  It was great.”  But hearing him call her that, without prompting, well it felt like this whole crazy process was worth it.

 **Twenty-four days later** , they celebrated Josie’s second birthday.  Kate made her Mother’s special birthday pancakes for Josie (and a batch for Caleb so he wouldn’t feel left out) and she and Castle woke her with a song.  They listened to children laughing and playing while they set up the loft for the party.  

When Alexis showed up with Lauren, Kate worried the kids would knock the poor girl over.  But Lauren just smiled back, hugging her friends with the same ferocity, her cane discarded on the floor.  They eagerly showed Lauren around their new home, Caleb offering her an arm to hold onto as they walked.  Lauren’s hands traced over the keys of the piano, and she told them all about the lessons she’d started taking.  With the three kids, the grandbaby, Martha and her Father all there, Kate didn’t think she’d ever felt the loft more alive.

Martha accompanied everyone on the piano as they sang, Josie squirming in her seat to blow out her candles, her dark eyes wide in wonder.  It was a Joy cake with yellow icing, and as Josie had taken an immediate liking to the character, she squealed when she saw the smiling woman with the sparkling blue hair on her cake.  

“I want Spiderman on mine!”  Caleb called out once they finished singing, his knees on the chair so he could lean forward on the table.  

Castle laughed as Kate cut the cake, giving Josie the ceremonial first piece.  “I’ll keep it in mind.”  He told the boy, his hands on Caleb’s shoulders gently pulling him back so he was sitting correctly.  “But we have a few months to wait.”  A few months.  By the time his birthday rolled around, he would legally be a part of the Castle family.  As their court date loomed closer, Kate’s nerves only increased.  She hated to think they were getting so close just to lose it all again.

At Josie’s squeal, Kate reoriented herself.  She could worry about the improbable later.  Right now, they were celebrating.

 **Eleven days after Josie’s birthday** , while Castle was writing and she was finishing paperwork, she hear the shuffling feet of the older child approach the office door.  Kate closed the file, placing it under her keyboard before turning to face him.  His face was wet with tears, and he clutched his bear to his chest, and Kate’s heart leapt up to her throat.  She reached him in record time, sinking to her knees and wrapping him in her arms.  He buried his head in her neck and let out an audible sob, and she shushed him, her hand tracing a steady path up and down his spine.  “It’s okay, sweetheart.  Whatever is wrong, it’s okay.”  

“What if I have to leave you?”  His question made her stomach sink.  It hadn’t occurred to her that he might be worried about being taken away too.  

Kate pulled back to look him in the eye, and felt her husband’s presence behind her as he kneeled behind her.  “Why would you have to leave us, sweet boy?”  

“What if you have to move to Canada, like Diane?  Or what if Tom moves us somewhere else?”  His voice cracked with his tears, his head falling to drop eye contact.  

“All our family is here.  I don’t even know anyone in Canada.”  Castle’s soothing voice from behind them relaxed her, and made Caleb look up again.  “And Tom knows that we want to adopt you, and that you want to stay.  He won’t move you.”

“Plus, when you’re adopted, we can take you with us.”  Her hand moved to his cheek as she spoke, her thumb wiping away his tears.  “Even if we had to move to Mars, you would come with us.  You’re stuck with us, okay?”

He sniffled, his eyes falling once more.  “Even if you have your own kid?”

Kate’s heart stopped as she realized that he must have experience with this.  She imagined them getting settled in a home just to move a few days later because the foster parents found out they were expecting.  The message came across loud and clear.   _We don’t want you anymore, we have children now._  Kate pulled him back into her arms and felt Castle at her back, his arms enveloping them both.  “Caleb, we want you in this family.  And Josie too.”  She pressed a kiss to his cheek before meeting his eye.  “And if we ever happen to have our own baby, I want you to be as good of a big brother to that baby as you are with Josie.  I want you to teach her how to be a big sister.”  She watched as a hint of a smile appeared on his face.  “I would want you to teach them how to play catch, and go to any of their games or shows.  I’d want you to help them with their spelling words, and draw pictures for them.  Do you think you can do that?”

“Yeah.”  His arms came up to wrap around her neck, the bear dropping to her feet.  “Thanks.”  

“Anytime, Bud.”  They stayed there for a few moments, until Castle helped her rise with his thin frame in her arms.  He followed her up the stairs, his hand resting in the small of her back, and they tucked him back into bed together.  He slept with a smile on his face.  

 **Twenty-eight days later** , Kate found herself in court for a good reason for once.  Josie shone in a yellow sundress, her hair in curly pigtails, while Caleb fidgeted in his suit and tie.  But it was the day they’d been waiting for.  Their family filed into the courtroom, filling the seats behind them, Lauren and Sarah Grace becoming fast friends as they whispered back and forth.  Caleb wanted his own chair, and spun around in it at the table, while Josie sat in Castle’s lap.  The lawyer asked for their names, for the record, and what they wanted to change the kids’ names to.  They double checked and made sure everything was spelled correctly.  Castle’s lawyer addressed her first.  “Katherine, you understand that by adopting these children, they will be treated as your natural children, and be entitled to the same inheritance as any natural children.  Do you understand this?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay with this?”

The corners of her mouth pulled upward.  “Yes.”  The lawyer asked Castle the same questions, and as he answered, he pulled Josie closer to him.  

The lawyer focused his attention on Caleb.  “Hey, Caleb.  Do you understand why you’re in court today?”

“Yes.  We’re getting adopted!”  His grin was infectious, and the courtroom laughed at his enthusiasm.  

“What does adoption mean to you?”

His eyes traveled around the room as he thought of his answer, his voice smaller when he talked this time.  “Adoption means I have a home, and parents who love me and my sister.”

“Do you want to be adopted today?”

“Yes, please!”

Even the attorney wasn’t immune to his charms, and grinned as he took his seat.  “I have no further questions, your honor.

What the judge said was a blur.  Kate couldn’t hear it over the flurry of excitement seated next to her, and her own heart beating.  She briefly heard the judge mention Tom’s report, that it was in the best interests of the children to be adopted, and she heard the “congratulations” before the crowd behind her started clapping and drowned everything out.  But she kissed Caleb’s head, caressed Josie’s chubby cheek, and gave Castle a celebratory smooch.  

They took their first family picture with the judge.  

 **It took three hours** for it to actually sink in, but when it did, it freed her.  She didn’t have to worry about a family member contesting.  She didn’t have to fear that men in suits would come to her door and take her children away.  Now, the bright little girl with ice cream all over her face was their _daughter_ , and the cuddly little boy she thought would never accept her was their _son_ and it all seemed so surreal.  It took seven hundred and ninety two days for her to officially become a parent.  It took one hundred and sixty two days to bring her kids home.  She was relieved that she could finally stop counting.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt from castlefanficprompts. 'I made a mistake, I'm sorry I want my baby back.' Caskett adopt a baby but a couple of months later the birth mother wants the baby back.


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